Monday, June 1, 2009

Why I don't run for office

The problems are mounting. I believe the best approach is to take them one at a time. I would start with the California deli ma. They are number one in job loses, have the largest state debt, rank near the top in crime. The population of 36,756,666 has a hefty per cent on government pay outs. The natural calamities have become a money pit for FEMA.
From the fires in Riverside County, the mud slides in Santa Barbara, to the political unrest of Haight Ashbury and all the quakes along the fault line. They can surely be considered a liability.
I have a solution. First we send our Government Purchasing crew to Mexico. They buy up all of Mexico's gold, silver, precious metals and all their petroleum. Plus all the rights to produce them. This will cost us about 30 trillion dollars. We will now have a pile of assets.
Second part of the plan is we have no intention of paying for any of these commodities. When they insist we meet our obligations, we go into the third part of the plan.
We offer them the state of California. The temptation would be so overwhelming, the Mexican Government would leap at the chance.
Now lets look at what we have rid ourselves of. First is the 55 electoral votes. No longer will a national election be given to the candidate who sucks up to them the most.
We lose Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein not to mention the" terminator". All future activist demonstrations in foreign countries will be reminded Jane Fonda, Barbara Streisand,Sean Penn George Clooney Sally field and that list is long, are no longer American citizens.
We also throw out 53 members of the House of Representatives. Whose voting record is what caused most of our problems to begin with
And one other benefit. This one can't even be measured. We give up Hollywood to Mexico. I'm sure they can come up with a better rating system. At least now everything that the motion picture industry of that town produces will be classified as a foreign film.
If you would like to go surfing or skiing, simply bring your passport.

2 comments:

michele said...

LOL Grandpa you crack me up! It is not an all together bad plan. It seems no matter how you look at things, there are pros and cons to everything. Hope all is well. Love to you and Cathy

Sarah said...

Haha! I'm sending my friends over here to look at this post. You are hilarious Grandpa and, sadly, at least a little right!